Blog Post # 11 : Grace is Gone (2007) : How to Cope with the Death of a Loved One

'Grace Is Gone' is a 2007 drama film starring famed actor John Cusack as a father who cannot bring himself to tell his two daughters that their mother, a soldier in the American army, has just been killed on a tour of duty in Iraq. On January 29, 2007, it won the Audience Award for Drama at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival. The film was produced by Plum Pictures and New Crime Productions and purchased by Harvey Weinstein for distribution by The Weinstein Company. Weinstein announced plans to mount an Academy Award campaign on behalf of Cusack. This also marks the first time Clint Eastwood composed the score for a film which he did not write, direct or star in, and the score earned the film 2 Golden Globe nominations. The film was rated 6.8/10 on IMDB and 62% on Rotten Tomatoes.

But Stan is still here

Plot :

Stanley Phillips is a middle-aged Army veteran caring for his two daughters, 12-year-old Heidi and 8-year-old Dawn, while his wife, Grace, serves in Iraq. One afternoon, two Army officers visit his home and inform him that Grace has been killed in combat. In shock, Stanley dreads having to tell his daughters of their mother's death. When they arrive home from school, he takes them out to dinner and plans to tell them afterward. Unable to, he instead decides to take them to Enchanted Gardens, a theme park in Florida that the girls have been wanting to visit for some time. That evening, he calls his home to hear Grace's voice on their answering machine. The following morning, they arrive at Stanley's mother's house, who is out. Instead they find Stanley's younger brother, John. Stanley encourages the three to go out to lunch. During their absence, he finally breaks down and mourns Grace. Upon returning, John receives a call from a family friend expressing their condolences for Grace's death. John angrily confronts Stanley, demanding to know why he hasn't told the girls. Stanley says he will eventually. The trio leave and later that day, stay at a motel. While Stanley is out of the room, Heidi calls her school to inform them that she and Dawn will be out for a few days. She notices her principal, who informs her that her teacher has taken maternity leave, is unusually sympathetic. The following afternoon at a gas station, Stanley calls their answering machine again, leaving a message saying he wished it'd been him that'd been deployed instead of Grace. Heidi asks who he was speaking to and grows suspicious after Stanley tells her he was talking to her teacher at the school. That evening, the three arrive at Enchanted Gardens. At their hotel, Heidi calls home and hears Stanley's message to Grace, growing even more suspicious. The next day, the three spend their time at the park, having the most fun since Grace departed for Iraq. Stanley is reluctant to leave as he knows he will soon have to tell them of Grace's death. He takes the girls to a nearby beach and finally informs them that Grace has died. The three embrace and mourn her as the sun sets. At Grace's funeral, Heidi writes an eulogy and reads it aloud. The film ends with Stanley, Heidi and Dawn at her (Grace's) grave.

Analysis & Reflection :

Based on the title of the film itself, it is clear that one of the major themes of the film would be loss and grief. One particular person who exhibited more grief than anyone else in the film was Stan, who found it really difficult to cope with his wife's death and the fact that he had to inform his two daughters about the news sometime in the future. According to Kubler-Ross's stages of grief, Stan exhibited various forms of grief at different times throughout the film. For example, Stan exhibits denial when he chooses to ignore the problem at hand and brings his children to Enchanted Gardens to have fun. He then also exhibits anger when he fights with his brother, John, about informing his daughters about their mother's death. Stan portrays the third stage, bargaining, by talking to his wife through the phone, wishing that he was the one that got deployed instead of her. The fourth stage, depression, is exhibited by Stan throughout the whole film, where he tries to distract himself by trying to have fun with his daughters at Enchanted Gardens and allowing them to pierce their ears. Finally, acceptance is portrayed towards the end of the film, where Stan finally lets his daughters know about their mother and the three accept and mourn their loss together.

Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good dad you always have to be.

However, there are also many different ways that each individual deals with grief, and that leads to different interpretations of the movie. For example, Stan could have already accepted that his wife was dead at the start of the film but was worried about how his daughters would react to the news, so instead he fulfills all their wants and dreams, in a possible attempt to 'soften the blow' before delivering the tragic news. In the context of this alternative interpretation, Stan could be doing as explained above, which would explain why he fought with John and called his wife; what all of them had in common was the topic of letting his daughters know about their mother's death.

How do I tell them :/

Apart from Stan, the other two characters, his daughters, also had to adapt to the sudden transition that their father suddenly experienced and applied upon them. Heidi and Dawn were also perceived to have been affected by their mother's absence, and the effects were depicted quite obviously in the film, in the form of Heidi's insomnia and the time when Dawn hid in the toy house after piercing her ears. Regardless of their cheerful attitudes when having fun at the Enchanted Gardens, Heidi was suspicious, even coming close to discovering that her mother had died before her father had told her due to Stan's unusual behaviour, and Stan had nervous breakdowns, where he had to take breaks to make phone calls to cope with the situation. Dawn was just too young and playful to suspect anything wrong with the situation.

Dammit Dawn your mum is dead can you behave 

Conclusion :

Anybody and everybody that has lost a loved one before can relate to this movie, as it does remind all of us just how difficult it is, with the process of mourning and state of grief experienced. Probably one of John Cusack's finest performances in his career, this movie really does capture the essence of coping with the death of a loved one.  

Really? only a 6.5/10?

  Rating : 6.5/10

Blog Post # 10 : Sybil (1976) : Chun Keat

Sybil is a 1976 American mystery drama film that originally aired as a made-for-television miniseries. It is based on the book of the same name, and was nominated for 1 Golden Globe award. The film was rated 8/10 on IMDB and 88% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Trapped....within yourself

Plot :
Sybil is a shy, unassuming substitute grade school teacher. After suffering a small breakdown in front of her students, she is given a neurological examination by Dr. Cornelia Wilbur, a psychiatrist. Sybil admits to having blackouts and fears they are getting worse. Dr. Wilbur theorizes that the incidents are a kind of hysteria, all related to a deeper problem. She asks Sybil to return at a later date for more counselling. Later that evening, Dr. Wilbur receives a late night call from someone who identifies herself as Vickie and says Sybil is about to jump out a hotel window. Dr. Wilbur rescues Sybil, who denies knowing Vickie. Suddenly Sybil becomes hysterical and begins speaking like a little girl. This little girl introduces herself as Peggy, and Wilbur realizes that Sybil is suffering from dissociative identity disorder. Vickie introduces herself to Wilbur at the next session. Vickie, who knows everything about the other personalities, tells Wilbur about some of them, including Marcia, who is suicidal and wants to kill Sybil, and Vanessa, who plays the piano although Sybil has not played in years and swears she forgot how to play piano. Over the weeks, each of the personalities introduce themselves to Wilbur. At the same time, the personality Vanessa falls in love with a charming neighbour named Richard. Wilbur finally explains to Sybil about the other personalities. As proof, Wilbur plays the session's tape to allow Sybil to hear their voices, but when a voice that sounds like Sybil's mother Hattie speaks, an infant personality named Ruthie emerges. Wilbur is unable to communicate with the pre-verbal child and must wait until Sybil returns. Life becomes more chaotic for Sybil as the other personalities grow stronger. The personalities make Dr. Wilbur a Christmas card, but Sybil made everything purple, a colour that frightens Peggy. Dr. Wilbur hypnotizes Vickie and asks about the purple. Vickie relates a memory of a time Sybil's mother locked young Sybil in the wheat bin in the barn. Thinking she was smothering, Sybil used her purple crayon to scratch on the inside of the bin so someone would know she had been there. Vanessa invites Richard and his son Matthew to have Christmas dinner, after which Richard spends the night in Sybil's apartment. Sybil has a nightmare and awakens as Marsha, who tries to throw herself off the roof. Richard rescues her and calls Wilbur. Soon afterwards, Richard moves away, crushing both Sybil and Vanessa. Once again confronted with her diagnosis, Sybil attempts to convince Wilbur that she has in fact been faking all of the other personalities the entire time and denies that multiple personalities exist within her. Wilbur goes in search of Sybil's father, who mentions that Sybil's mother Hattie was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, but denies that she ever abused Sybil. Wilbur also seeks out Sybil's paediatrician. The doctor gives Wilbur a frightening account of extensive scarring he found while treating Sybil for a bladder problem. Finally, Wilbur visits the old Dorsett house, where she discovers the green kitchen Sybil's selves have described many times. She also finds the purple crayon scratches inside the wheat bin. She takes them back to New York City to prove all the memories really happened. Dr. Wilbur takes Sybil for a drive, during which Peggy spills out the horrific abuse she suffered at her mother's hands. After Peggy exhausts herself, Sybil emerges, remembering everything that Peggy has just said. Finally she is able to express her rage against her mother. Dr. Wilbur hypnotizes Sybil to introduce her to the other personalities. Sybil, who has always been frightened of Peggy, meets her at last and is surprised that she is only a little girl. Sybil embraces a weeping Peggy. The film ends with a voiceover from Dr. Wilbur explaining that after this incident, Sybil recovered her memories and went on to live a full and happy life.

Analysis & Reflection :
It is rare to see films that represent psychological themes so accurately in cinema, and Sybil is one of those films. When watching the film, it was very clear that the central theme the film focused on was the dissociative identity disorder that Sybil had. Apart from the brilliant acting by actress Sally Field, the disorder itself portrayed the symptoms and roots of the problem very accurately, based on the real-life scientific information of dissociative identity disorder, stemming from the physical and mental abuse from Sybil's disillusioned mother, to the fact that Sybil was unaware of her various multiple personalities until she was told otherwise by Dr. Wilbur.

Whaaaaaaaat? I have D.I.D.??

Another aspect of the film that intrigued me (as a psychology student) was the relationship between  Dr. Wilbur and Sybil. It is clear that psychology students learn that counsellors or psychiatrists are not to get too emotionally attached to their clients, as portrayed in the movie when Dr. Wilbur was told by her colleague to not get too attached to Sybil, with respect to the client-psychiatrist relationship; to stay professional. However, as the film progressed it was apparent that Dr. Wilbur got too enthusiastic and emotionally attached to Sybil. This however resulted in Dr. Wilbur being able to successfully cure Sybil at the end of the film, which then puts the original ethical code of attachment into question; whether it would be okay for psychiatrists to be more attached to patients with specific disorders. However, this is also portrayed in a film, and thus cannot be assumed to be as applicable in the real world as was in the film. There were also some instances in the film where Dr. Wilbur broke confidentiality and told Richard about Sybil's disorder when she (Sybil) was about to commit suicide as Marcia (one of her personalities).

It's okay dear, I'm here. I broke my ethic code too so I'm crying inside.

Conclusion :
Although a very long movie, spanning over three hours, the film taught me more about how a patient with dissociative identity disorder deals with life and how patients with mental disorders in general deal with life differently from all of us. Speaking from the non-biased lips of a possible future counsellor or psychiatrist, it is important that we not look down upon or go as far as to discriminate the less fortunate or mentally ill, as they already have enough problems as is, trying to find a place in society.

YESSS, don't discriminate them, LOVEEE them

Rating : 7.5/10

Blog Post # 9 : The Sixth Sense (1999) : The Ninth Blog Post

The Sixth Sense is one of M. Night Shyamalan's greatest movies, and probably his most famous one to date. This film officially introduced and established him in society as a director and writer most notable for his surprise endings. The film was nominated for 6 Oscars, but unfortunately did not win any. IMDB rated the film a staggering 8.1/10 and Rotten Tomatoes 85%.

But every blessing is a gift

Plot :
mode. I believe that's what should make a good horror flick. It should be able to produce some form of psychological response or, strictly speaking of producing good horror films, a mild degree of psychological trauma. As much as technology has advanced in this day and age to make blood and gore look realistic, it simply does not do well in leaving a lasting impression that most films should strive for.

Dr. Malcolm Crowe, a child psychologist in Philadelphia, returns home one night with his wife, Anna, after having been honored for his work. Anna tells Malcolm that everything is second to his work, and that she believes he is truly gifted. Just then, a young man appears in their bathroom, and accuses Malcolm of failing him. Malcolm recognizes him as Vincent Grey, a former patient whom he treated as a child for hallucinations. After Malcolm realizes he did fail him, Vincent shoots his former doctor before killing himself. The next fall, Malcolm begins working with another patient, 9-year-old Cole Sear, whose case is similar to Vincent's. Malcolm becomes dedicated to the boy, though he is haunted by doubts over his ability to help him after his failure with Vincent. Meanwhile, he and his wife seldom, if ever, speak or do anything together. Malcolm feels he must help Cole in order to rectify his failure to help Vincent and reconcile with his wife. Cole's mother, Lynn, who truly loves him, worries about his social stamina, especially after seeing signs of physical abuse. Cole eventually confides his secret to Malcolm: he sees dead people, who walk around like the living unaware they are dead. At first, Malcolm thinks Cole is delusional and considers dropping him. Remembering Vincent, the psychologist listens to an audiotape from a session with Vincent in 1987, then a child. On the tape, when Malcolm leaves the room, and then returns, Vincent was crying. Turning up the volume, Malcolm hears a weeping man begging for help in Spanish, and now believes that Cole is telling the truth and that Vincent may have had the same ability. He suggests to Cole that he should try to find a purpose for his gift by communicating with the ghosts and perhaps aid them with their unfinished business. At first, Cole is unwilling since the ghosts terrify and sometimes even threaten him, but he finally decides to do it. Cole talks to one of the ghosts, Kyra Collins, a young chronically ill girl who recently died. He goes with Malcolm to her funeral reception at her home, where Kyra directs him to a box holding a videotape, which he then gives to her father. The tape shows Kyra's mother putting a cleaning fluid in her soup. By proving she was a victim of Munchausen syndrome by proxy, Cole has saved Kyra's younger sister, the mother's next victim. Learning to live with the ghosts he sees, Cole starts to fit in at school and gets the lead in the school play, which Malcolm attends. The doctor and patient depart on positive terms and Cole suggests to Malcolm that he should try speaking to Anna while she is asleep. Later, while stuck in a traffic jam, Cole confesses his secret to his mother, saying that someone died in an accident up ahead and he knows because the person is right next to him. Lynn does not see the recently deceased, but Cole sees a woman cyclist with blood dripping down her face. Although his mother at first does not believe him, Cole proves his ability to her by talking about how his grandmother visits him. He describes how his grandmother saw his mother in a dance performance, even though Lynn thought her mother was not there. He further relays the answer to a question his mother privately asked at her mother's grave. When Cole says that his grandmother feels proud of Lynn, his mother tearfully accepts the truth and they hug each other. Malcolm returns home, where he finds his wife asleep with their wedding video playing. While still asleep, Anna asks her husband why he left her, and drops Malcolm's wedding ring, which he suddenly discovers he has not been wearing. He remembers what Cole said about ghosts and realizes that he was actually killed by Vincent that night, and was unknowingly dead the entire time he was working with Cole. Because of Cole's efforts, Malcolm's unfinished business, which was to rectify his failure to understand and help Vincent, is finally complete. Malcolm also fulfills the second reason he returned, which was to tell his wife that she was never second, and that he loves her. His goal complete, he is finally free to leave the world of the living.

Analysis & Reflection :

The mechanics behind The Sixth Sense that gives the film its unique form of horror is that many times throughout the film it manages to lead you on into believing that some grotesque horror scene is coming up next, only to disappoint. On the other hand, sometimes it makes it seem as though the worst is over only to jump out at you when you least suspect it, which is exactly what gives the movie its charm. The inconsistency of scene endings are what keep people in a state of tension (and to a certain extent, anxiety) as the audience would be kept in a constant state of fear and anticipation, trying to predict the next scene. We are, in a way, trying to fight the urge to be lulled into a sense of security by all the false alarms. In a way, we, as the audience, have been classically conditioned by the film. For example,  the horror scenes (UCS) evokes fear (UCR) and eerie music (CS) has been paired with some horrific incident that can now elicit fear (CR). However, when horror scenes (UCS) are removed from the equation, our natural instincts would tell us that the relationship is weakening and is no longer a cause for fear, hence, extinction. Yet just as the extinction process occurs, the horror scenes reappear again. Because we can no longer predict when the aversive stimulus will appear, we set ourselves in a constant state of arousal.

OMG will this movie chill, I'm trying to eat something

A major theme in the film, of course, is fear. Fear is usually derived from experience, and can be classified into two stages; biochemical, and emotional. When fearing something instinctively due to experience or knowledge, the biochemical reaction of our body provides a fight-or-flight response, which has helped us survive as a species in an evolutionary aspect. The emotional aspect is where we remember the fear and generate them the next time we encounter the stimulus, which is referred to as a phobia. For example, the fact that Cole can see dead people has become a phobia for him, hence the need for him to see a psychologist.

Another Fear : Not being believed

Conclusion :

As indicated above, an example of fear would be the fact that throughout the movie, the audience was kept in a constant state of arousal, fear, and anticipation, which were created from elements in the movie. In general, it means that this film has classically conditioned the audience into a state of fear, but yet is still able to provide a sense of surprise, indicating a work of a genius on director M. Night Shyamalan's part. However, the implications of this style of filming are that although terrific when watched for the first time, the movie loses its appeal when rewatched again, as there is then a lack of suspense and surprise, which are the essential elements of what makes this such a great movie. 

Only the first time, because people still don't believe him yet

Rating : 8.5/10

A film worth dying for

Blog Post # 8 : Whale Rider (2002) : Paikea - Rider of Whales

Whale Rider is a 2002 New Zealand-German family drama film directed by Niki Caro, based on the novel of the same name by Witi Ihimaera. The film was a co-production between New Zealand and Germany. It was shot on location in Whangara, the setting of the novel. The film received critical acclaim upon its release. At age 13, Keisha Castle-Hughes (the main character) became the youngest nominee for the Academy Award for Best Actress (the film's only Oscar nomination) before she was surpassed by Quvenzhané Wallis, at age 9, for Beasts of the Southern Wild less than a decade later. The movie was rated 7.6/10 on IMDB and 90% on Rotten Tomatoes.

"People Love Whale Rider"

Plot :

A newborn’s cry is normally a moment of utmost joy. But it wasn’t so when Pai was brought into the world. Her entrance was simultaneous with the death of her mother and twin brother. And in one fell swoop, the line of chieftains descended from Paikea was shattered. (Paikea was the man who founded the Maori race by riding a whale across the ocean to what is now New Zealand.) Pai’s grandfather, Koro, is devastated. His heartbroken son, Porourangi, a direct descendant of Paikea, has left his land, haunted by memories of his wife and son. And without any more pure (male) Maori offspring, there’s no chance for their race to continue. So, every time Koro sees Pai (boisterous, intelligent, loving, lonely, and abandoned Pai), he sees the end of his people. Because though Pai is directly descended from Paikea, she is a girl and Koro knows that a woman could never be the leader of the Maori people. While her grandfather, Koro, later forms an affectionate bond with his granddaughter, carrying her to school every day on his bicycle, he also condemns her and blames her for conflicts happening within the tribe. At one point Paikea decides to leave with her father because her grandfather is mistreating her. She finds that she cannot bear to leave the sea as the whale seems to be calling her back. Pai tells her father to turn the car back and returns home. Pai's father refuses to assume traditional leadership; instead he moves to Germany to pursue a career as an artist. Pai herself is interested in the leadership, learning traditional songs and dances, but is given little encouragement by her grandfather. Pai feels that she can become the leader, although there's no precedent for a woman to do so, and is determined to succeed. Koro leads a cultural school for the village boys, hoping to find a new leader. He teaches the boys to use a taiaha (fighting stick). This is traditionally reserved for males. However, Nanny tells Pai that her second son, Pai's uncle, had won a taiaha tournament in his youth while he was still slim, so Pai secretly learns from him. She also secretly follows Koro's lessons. One of the students, Hemi, is also sympathetic towards her. Koro is enraged when he finds out, particularly when she wins her taiaha fight against Hemi. Koro's relationship with Pai erodes further when none of the boys succeed at the traditional task of recovering the rei puta (whale tooth) that he threw into the ocean – this mission would prove one of them worthy of becoming leader. With the loss of the rei puta, Koro in despair calls out the Ancient ones, the whales. In an attempt to help, Pai also calls out to them and they hear her call. One day Pai finds the rei puta while swimming, signifying that she is the rightful leader. Pai, in an attempt to bridge the rift that has formed, invites Koro to be her guest of honour at a concert of Māori chants that her school is putting on. Unknown to all, she had won an inter-school speech contest with a touching dedication to Koro and the traditions of the village. However, Koro was late, and as he was walking to the school, he notices that numerous right whales are beached near Pai's home. The entire village attempts to coax and drag them back into the water, but all efforts prove unsuccessful; even a tractor does not help. Koro sees it as a sign of his failure and despairs further. He admonishes Pai against touching the largest whale because "she has done enough damage" with her presumption. Also, the largest whale traditionally belongs to the legendary Paikea. When Koro walks away Pai climbs onto the back of the largest whale at the location and coaxes it to re-enter the ocean. The whale leads the entire pod back into the sea; Pai submerges completely underwater, and the spectators had wondered if she'd drowned, but were relieved when she came back above sea level. When she goes out to sea, Nanny shows Koro the whale tooth which Pai had previously recovered. When Pai is found and brought to the hospital, Koro declares her the leader and asks her forgiveness. The film ends with Pai's father, grandparents, and uncle coming together to celebrate her status as the new leader, as the finished waka (canoe) is hauled into the sea for its maiden voyage. In voiceover, Pai declares, "My name is Paikea Apirana, and I come from a long line of chiefs stretching all the way back to the Whale Rider. I'm not a prophet, but I know that our people will keep going forward, all together, with all of our strength."

Analysis & Reflection :

In the film, the need for gracious love in family relationships is emphasized by the lack of it in Pai’s life. this can be seen when Koro is relentlessly harsh toward her, indirectly blaming her for the fracture in the Maori lineage throughout the entire movie, except for the end. However, it is not that he (Koro) hates Pai, but far from it, as he sticks up for her when her schoolmates tease her and regularly pedals her across the lush New Zealand countryside on his bike. That being said, a desperate disappointment lurks at the core of their interactions, because while Koro provides for his granddaughter’s basic needs, he has emotionally abandoned her. Furthermore, his pursuit of a new heir to Paikea (the original ancestor) nearly destroys his household. This is seen when his obsession with tradition causes his wife to consider divorce and Pai’s spirit falters under the old man’s continual disapproval (she sobs uncontrollably after Koro doesn’t show up for a school performance). When his search for an heir fails, he retreats into his bedroom and silently wastes his days on his bed. The message from this film is clear here : personal ambition must never trump the preservation of one’s family. Family is important in one's life, as family systems are built on the foundation of love, attachment, loyalty, and trust, which in turn fulfills safety and status needs, according to the psychology of family. Although, through all of Koro's harsh treatments towards her, at least Pai has her grandmother, who cares for her emotionally as well as physically.

:'('''

According to the film's director, Niki Caro, “Whale Rider is essentially about leadership and the fact that leadership presents itself in the form of a young girl”, which would portray themes of feminism in the film. Such feminist sentiments are indeed present in the movie, but are not forceful by any means, for example, Pai’s claim to the position of Maori chief has less to do with female empowerment than being recognized for who she is by her grandfather (and also be subsequently loved). Still, care should be taken to compare and contrast the way the movie handles the role of women with that established in Scripture, and this film has done it beautifully. 

If only you were male...

Conclusion :

With all that has been said, Whale Rider has next to no plot. Its fixation on myths indigenous to New Zealand lends a bizarre, ethereal other-worldliness, and almost all characters speak in Maori almost as much as they do in English. With such a unique premise, why is the slow, sleepy Whale Rider lauded by critics and audiences alike? In my opinion, most of that praise is doubtlessly due to the noteworthy performance of newcomer actress Keisha Castle-Hughes, who gave a compelling performance as Pai, who bore the oddly interconnected burdens of being simultaneously spurned by her relatives and fiercely embraced in love. Yet, perhaps the film is so absorbing because we understand being unable to love those we ought as we ought; we curse and yet our bent hearts still care, and this stokes our empathy not only for those around us, but for the whole of broken humanity as well.

You don't choose your family, they are God's gift to you, as you are to them :)

As mentioned before, feministic themes are present in the movie, and this movie teaches us that women have a place in society, and that place is not beneath them in any way, but rather beside them; of equal status and opportunities, and what better way to write a blog post about this than International Women's Day (8th March).

That's right. You can do it, I can do it too.

Rating : 7/10 

The original whale rider. The pioneer.

Blog Post # 7 : Forget Paris (1995) : Love Conquers All

Forget Paris is a 1995 romantic comedy film produced, directed, co-written by, and also starring Billy Crystal as a NBA referee and Debra Winger as an independent working woman whose lives are interrupted by love and marriage. The film received mixed reviews, mostly positive but some negative, and was rated 6.4/10 on IMDB and a balanced 50% on Rotten Tomatoes.

A Comedy about Love....After Marriage

Plot :

At a restaurant in New York City, Andy prepares to introduce his friends to his fiancée, Liz. As the couple waits for the rest of the party to arrive, Andy begins telling Liz the strange story of how his friends Mickey and Ellen came to know each other and fall in love. As each of Andy's friends arrive, more of the story is unfolded to Liz. Mickey Gordon is a National Basketball Association (NBA) referee who honors his recently-deceased father's wishes by burying him at the resting site of his World War II Army platoon in France, of which he was the sole survivor. However, Mickey's plans are delayed for several days after the airline misplaces the casket. Ellen Andrews, an airline employee from Wichita working in Paris, assists Mickey in locating and retrieving the lost casket. She surprises Mickey by attending the burial in the French countryside so he won't be alone. Mickey rides back to Paris with Ellen, and the two get to know each other better along the way. Mickey spontaneously decides to delay his return trip to the United States to spend more time with Ellen. The two fall in love in the streets of Paris, but after a week together, Mickey is forced to return to the United States for the beginning of the NBA season. Constantly thinking about his time in Paris, Mickey's loneliness leads him to lose his temper during a nationally-televised game. As a result of the tirade, Mickey is suspended by the NBA for a week. During the suspension, he returns to Paris to see Ellen. Soon after he arrives, Mickey learns Ellen is married but separated, and is unsure if she and her husband will get back together. Brokenhearted, Mickey returns to America. While Mickey is in Charlotte to referee a game, Ellen arrives unexpectedly to meet him and reveals that she has gotten a divorce. Having quit her job in France, Ellen marries Mickey. After a honeymoon period spent on the road during the NBA season, the couple settles in the San Fernando Valley outside Mickey's hometown of Los Angeles. When the next basketball season begins, Ellen takes an entry-level customer service job with American Airlines, while Mickey travels with the NBA. Hating her new job and only seeing Mickey a few days each month, Ellen becomes lonely and depressed. She asks Mickey to quit his job; he compromises by taking a one-year leave of absence and briefly working as a car salesman. However, Ellen quickly gets promoted and climbs the corporate ladder, leaving Mickey at home to tend to her aging and irritating father, Arthur. Dealing with common marital issues, including the incongruity of their professional lives and the inability to conceive a child, the two begin to emotionally drift apart. Mickey, unhappy at home with Arthur, decides to return early to the NBA. He comes home from a road trip to find Ellen gone. Before he can read her note, she arrives and explains that she had simply returned to Kansas to deliver Arthur to her siblings so she and Mickey can finally be alone and attempt to repair their marriage. Shortly thereafter, Ellen approaches Mickey and says she has been offered a transfer to Dallas. Mickey refuses to move away from California, so Ellen takes the airline's other offer of a transfer to Paris. Now separated, the two are seemingly content in their original arrangements: Mickey traveling with the NBA, and Ellen working for an airline in Paris. However, it is obvious to all of their friends that they miss each other's company. At the restaurant, Andy's friends have caught Liz up to date on the entire story as they know it, with the latest development coming four months prior. A basketball fan enters the restaurant and informs the group of an odd occurrence during the traditional singing of "The Star-Spangled Banner" prior to that night's New York Knicks's game at Madison Square Garden. Mickey decides to go AWOL from his job and immediately return to Paris to find Ellen. Before he can make it across the basketball court, however, he spots Ellen in the arena. The two meet and reconcile at mid-court, and as the arena lights come on after the anthem, the entire crowd sees the two kissing. As the man finishes telling the story, Mickey and Ellen arrive at the restaurant together (surprising the rest of the party, who still believed them to be separated) and begin to re-tell Liz the entire story of their relationship.

Analysis & Reflection :

Everytime I watch a romantic movie, two thoughts enter my head; whether it would end well for them, and whether I am watching a 'chick flick', meaning a sappy romance film filled with cliches that 100% ends with a happy ending. However, "Forget Paris" was a different kind of romantic film; one that showed the hardships that people faced in relationships, and that love isn't always fun and flowers. In a film about romance, it is only natural that the movie be centred around the theme of love, and it is the very concept of love that is questionable in this movie. Love is indeed an interesting phenomenon, and according to Sternberg's triangular theory of love, intimacy, passion, and commitment are crucial in determining a type of love in a relationship. Based on the theory, it would seem that Ellen and Mickey's marriage is based on the concept of consummate love. Although, Mickey and Ellen struggle a lot with intimacy and commitment in their relationship, for example, the travelling arrangements for the couple. At first, Mickey is the one who travels a lot, leaving Ellen at home, miserable and lonely. After Mickey compromises and gets a new job, he in turn starts to feel miserable while Ellen is at work, and Mickey has to stay home with his very old father-in-law. The fact that they are always apart, busy with their own lives, and as pointed out by Mickey in the movie, they have not had sex for a very long time, which indicates a lack of intimacy in the relationship. This means that although they feel love for each other, and the intimacy is high between them, they are unable to act on it, which gradually reduces the level of intimacy between them (an example of "want but not able to do").

Toyotaaa...you asked for ittt, you gott itt

One of those bird-stuck-to-your-head kinda days

As for their commitment levels, it is not to say that Mickey and Ellen are not committed to the marriage; they are, but in doing so, they have had to let go of their dreams, something which had came back to haunt them and they eventually succumbed to choosing their dreams over the marriage. This means that Mickey and Ellen both were mentally committed to the relationship and marriage, but due to their pursuit for their dreams, the physical commitment to the relationship was very little, in terms of intimacy and their priorities in life (in which career took precedence over marriage). Examples include Mickey getting his job back and Ellen choosing to go back to Paris after Mickey refuses to go to Dallas with her. Personally, I felt that their decisions were right. Love hurts, but if one's dreams are more important than the love of your life, then those dreams should be pursued, as the consequences may be unhealthy for the relationship or marriage, for example, blaming one's soulmate as the cause of unfulfilled dreams, which could lead to an impending breakup or divorce in the future, which should by all means be prevented.

I love you....but I love my job too :/

The week in Paris, however, was completely different, and started as infatuation. They had a week full of sightseeing, dancing, laughing, and singing, in which they were constantly by each other's side, and Mickey and Ellen then were enveloped solely in passion, with no commitments and feelings of intimacy. However, the relationship then turned into romantic love when Mickey spent the night at Ellen's home, where it was implied that they had coitus. This became the basis for their marriage, and yes, naivety or a rash decision can lead to disasters, hence the reason why some couples take some time to know their significant other first before deciding on marriage, as marriage is no trivial matter.

You see that? He's right, ya know.

Conclusion :


All relationships are a give and take, and it takes two parties to make a relationship work [like a balance (weighing scale)]. Marriage and love is not something simple, as it takes commitment, passion, the endless acceptance of each other's flaws, and honorable fidelity to achieve a satisfying and functional relationship. Love is also about going through not just the ups, but also the downs in life with one's loved ones, as seen in the film, depicted by Mickey and Ellen's one week 'honeymoon' period in Paris, only to be greeted by the harsh reality of marriage for the rest of their lives, in which is depicted the essence of the film that defines the reason for the film's name, "Forget Paris".

Their bodies form a heart shape :')

Rating : 8.7/10 

FINALLY DONE